breaking point.

Where do I even start? We did room in with Dominic on Friday and we did take him home Saturday... only to take him back to the NICU early Sunday morning. He was still having diarreah and looking more dehydrated and then I noticed he was more tired than usual and felt warm so I took his temp and it was 99.7. I called the NICU dr's and they told me to bring him in just so they could take a look at him. When we got there they took his temp and it was 100.2 so they checked rectally and it was 101.7. They admitted him right away. That day they ran a million more tests and didn't let him eat anything to give him 'bowel rest'. Monday they gave him 30mL every 3 hours and he was doing really well with that. The GI (gastrointestinal) Doctor came to see him and said they would test more to see if he has 'dumping syndrome' which is basically his intestines not absorbing his food, so it comes out as fast as it goes in. This is also giving him horrible diaper rash because it's so acidic on his skin. Yesterday they tried a formula instead of breast milk called Elecare. It's a broken down formula that's aimed towards babies with severe allergies, intestinal issues, and absorption issues. I was really hoping it would be the magic recipe to help him. They called this morning to get permission to put the PICC line back in because he was throwing up the Elecare and having more diarreah. Now he's back to being dehydrated and they couldn't get an IV in so now it's back to the PICC line for nutrition. They want to try a formula called progestamilk (sp) which is similiar to Elecare, and hopefully that will work. I'm going to ask if they can fortify the breast milk since we know he tolerates that. Fortifying it means they'll add calories to it so maybe he won't have to take such high volumes. The only issues come when he's up to full feedings and his intestines just can't absorb it all. Who knows if that's a possibility for him but I just don't know what to do anymore. To come home he has to be on full feedings and gaining weight... he can't do that if he's pooping it all out. Also, they want to start him slow, meaning at 15mL every 3 hours with this new formula, so it looks like a long haul in the NICU. I just want to bring my baby home and take care of him. It broke my heart yesterday- we had to leave at shift change and he was just staring straight into my eyes, as we walked away he turned his head and stared at us, watching us go. It just kills me to leave him there. I just want him to be ok. please keep praying that he heals and that the doctors can figure this out so he can come home.